C. S. Lewis calls storge, or affection “the humblest and most widely diffused of loves.” It’s common in the sense that we share affection with lesser living things. We have affection for our pets, for instance. And they have affection for their own young. This is a kind of parental or nurturing kind of love. He calls this love, “all in a squawking, nuzzling heap together, purrings, lickings, baby-talk, milk, warmth, the smell of young life.” 

Affection is common because it is based upon the idea of familiarity. Any affection has some connection to the familiar – a shared commonality. This may explain why you love your chronically failing sports franchise or why your favorite family traditions are so odd. They’re familiar. It’s what you’ve grown up on! In this way, affection is the least discriminatory of loves. It passes through barriers that might naturally exist – performance, proclivity, preference, personality, race, religion, sex or stage of life. Affection can unite all sorts of people around all sorts of ideas. It often creates the most space for toleration and acceptance in our lives. We have affection for all kinds of things. This love, then, can be seen in many aspects of our existence. 

Affection often shows up in our other loves as well. As men, we tend to begin to form friendship (philia) without demonstrating affection. But as your love for your friend grows, so does your affection for him. We also know that the best kind of romantic love (eros) is the one that is born out of true affection. You can have sex without it, but the best kind of eros is clothed with the “homespun clothing of affection.” 

But, the commonness of affection is its greatest danger. We tend to assume affection. We received it from our mother (unconditionally) and if we’re not careful, we’ll assume it – and even demand it – from our other relationships. We turn the gift-love of our mothers into a need-love from others. When we don’t feel affection from others, we feel under appreciated. We tend to forget who loves us. The opposite is also true. When we forget to show affection to those we love, we tend to take them for granted. Friendships turn conditional and romance becomes stale. We lose appreciation when we forget to show common affection. It’s been said that you “celebrate what you appreciate.” Affection, though common and simple, is easily forgotten.